So I have been having this whole issue where I've been irritated and annoyed at just about anything that doesn't go my way for a while now. I'm not really sure that is something I want to admit, that the inner brat inside me has been reigning supreme over my emotional outlook and general attitude towards life. I have to admit it though, because if I don't, then I can't move forward.
And the adult in me really wants to move forward.
I did some reading, with the helpful links the Wife gave me, and I found that I'm pretty sure that I haven't been getting enough sleep at night. Possibly this problem has been an ongoing issue for years. Apparently only about 3% of the population can sleep for 6 hours a night and be satisfied. The normal people should get between 8 and 9 hours with some people needing 9 to 10 hours EVERY evening. Chew on that, people who told me I'd be fine with just 7.
Supposedly if I get enough sleep then eventually I will wake up without needing an alarm clock. I'm not sure I believe that, as I have slept and slept and slept and never gotten to the point where I could do that. I also have never allowed myself to sleep until I naturally wake up for a month... which is how long it could take your body to catch up on needed sleep. That's a sobering thought. Who has a month where they can just go to bed and sleep until they wake up? Not me, I can sleep for over 12 hours straight, have done several times in fact, and not wake up without someone getting me up.
Luckily there are ways to tell if you are sleep deprived, there are symptoms! These things include:
Falling asleep within five minutes of going to bed.
Feeling the need to sleep in on weekends.
Falling asleep while watching TV or relaxing in the evening.
Need to nap to get through the day.
Getting drowsy after heavy meals or when driving.
Get sleepy in meetings, lectures, or warm rooms.
...and many more. The other sobering thought, if I was one to drink it would be sobering,
is all the things that can crop up from sleep deprivation. You'd be surprised:
Fatigue, lethargy, and lack of motivation.
Moodiness and irritability.
Reduced creativity and problem-solving skills.
Inability to cope with stress.
Concentration and memory problems.
Weight gain.
Difficulty making decisions.
Increased risk of diabetes, heart disease, and other health problems.
...and more. Resource: Sleep
So here's the question. Have I been having issues with sleep deprivation for years? I think the answer is yes. I have always battled my weight, ever since I went through puberty, but I had more and more problems as I got older, and as we started moving around.
Then there was the house thing, then the move to FL thing, then the whole, trying to keep up with bills and life thing and I suspect that I started having issues sleeping and my health declined, I began getting more moody and irritated, I stopped wanting to do anything creative and my ability to actually come up with a decision was next to nil.
I find it interesting that most people think that sleep is kind of something they can toss to the side and not think too much about. I've always thought I needed to catch up on sleep, but never realized how much sleep I might need to catch up on. I've wanted to do things creatively, but haven't been able to focus on it at all.
There's a D&D campaign just waiting for me to work on it. I have a story I'm actively pursuing but not doing a very good job of writing on it. There's all these things I've wanted to color, and I have all the pieces parts but haven't bothered to do so in forever. I have crafts, like jewelry, that I think about fondly but haven't even had the energy to think about creating a space where I could work on them since the move, and even when I had space I hardly touched them for over a year. I have a hard time creating conflict in the stories I've been writing with the Wife. It's depressing, and has been depressing.
When I fall asleep watching my Sims play out their lives, or when I'm playing an online RPG, I know that I have to do something else, and I've begun to think that it's just me, and something that happens. However, when I fall asleep driving is when I get the most frightened, and I've done that ever since I started driving. It's one of the main reasons I'm glad for cell phones, because if there is someone I can talk to I usually am capable of staying awake, but if there isn't someone I can talk to I wake up veering into the other lanes. A lot.
So the upshot of all this is that I did this research, I got frightened some more, and the Wife and I made sleeping plans. It's good to have consistent sleep, go to bed at the same time, get up at the same time, that sort of thing. Naps are okay, but not as a long term solution because you don't get the real kind of sleep you need. We are setting alarms to get to bed on time, and working hard to stick by those alarms.
You know what else? Even just doing this for 2 days I feel better. I went into work yesterday and had a fantastic day with Carol. It was nice to feel at least somewhat alert, and I did all 5 bins of firewood with little to no problems, and was laughing and joking with her and Karl the whole time. What a change a simple nights rest made! Then today, when Carol came over and we were working, I was able to look at things and suggest decisions on where things should go without getting overly emotional. It was wonderful! I haven't been able to look at this house and what needed to be done with such a clear head in months. I watched the Wife and her mother talk and thought, "Well, we need to work at this some more." instead of thinking, "OMG, OMG, OMG!" as has been my reaction to any difficult decision making for a long time now.
So the upshot of this whole thing is that I suspect more people are sleep deprived than realize it, and it's amazing how good you feel when you get enough sleep. I'm not the girl I used to be, but it would be pretty nice to be able to see her in myself again some day. I had a motto, I stuck by it all through High School and into my 20's. It was simple, it was real.
"Smile! Life is good!"
My HS friends remember me, possibly with irritation, possibly with amusement, going around when they were troubled, saying that to them to try to remind them that even when things looked bad, life itself isn't. I haven't felt like smiling in that way for a long time. Hopefully soon, I'll be able to do it again.
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